Captain, My Captain
by peroxidepest17
Summary: After the Soul Society arc- Renji learns something new about Byakuya every day.


**Title:** Captain, My Captain  
**Author:** Celeste  
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Feedback:** (yes!)  
**Pairing/s: **Really, squint to see it almost there, sort of, mostly gen RenjixByakuya**  
Spoilers:** OMG tons. Don't read this if you haven't read up to at least 171 of the manga.  
**Summary:** After the Soul Society arc- Renji learns something new about Byakuya every day.  
**Word Count:** 2,674  
**Time:** Uh… a really, really long time. And I did some minor edits, and really lost count after that. Yeah.  
**A/N:** Oh god I'm doing it again. It's just strange sap that isn't really the good kind either. --;; But I want to write some RenjixByakuya-ness, especially in light of the new anime ending (Oh the ghei…), but my muse seems to be thwarting my efforts for fun and crack and trying to stick me in the ghastly world of introspection (which I admit, I'm not very good at). Crack, why won't you come back to me? Have I done ye wrong? lament Oh, and one last quick note…I don't really know if shinigami eat stuff. I mean, Rukia ate and all that, but that was in the gigai and I don't remember details like that because I'm dumb. But I don't really care because this was surprisingly hard to write and I'm done, and that's all that matters for the moment. sigh Oh, and warnings for OOC. Because Byakuya is hard to write, dammit.  
**Dedication:** JaB, because she's our Renji and that just makes sense. And I guess in that vein, Christine too, even though she's _nothing_ like Byakuya but is our Byakuya anyway. :P I demand fanservice at Fanime!  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine… if it were, I wouldn't have such a hard time getting the merchandise. ;; Well, theoretically.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

Renji had a deep respect for his captain. 

It couldn't really be called friendship, not in the same sense as Hitsugaya and Matsumoto, or like the one Shunsui and Nanao had managed to cultivate, but all in all, he had to say that it was a healthy respect.

When he'd first been assigned to the 6th squad, he had to admit, it began as respect borne of fear. But Abarai Renji was too dumb to be afraid for too long, and with time and the little bits he did manage to learn of Kuchiki Byakuya when they worked together, he soon shed his fear and learned to respect Byakuya as an ally as well as a superior.

He couldn't say he liked Byakuya exactly, because there was too much kept hidden of the other man which he refused to show and thus, nothing for Renji to base any form of 'like' on.

But there was that deep respect.

Even if he could never find it in himself to like his captain, Renji knew that Kuchiki was reliable-- someone to count on as a leader and a fellow team member.

There was just a strength in Byakuya's cool silence that no one could deny admiration for. Even if Byakuya was, at first, everything Renji had learned to hate in his youth, it was unquestionable that he was a strong shinigami.

That was something Renji had always envied in the other man-- the flawless, graceful strength and the seemingly cold, even, objectivity with which he wielded it.

It was a strength that was to be respected, envied, feared. It was a strength that served Byakuya's noble household well because he was all they could have hoped for in a powerful, reputable heir.

And knowing the stringent expectations of the Kuchiki name as Renji did by proxy, he also knew that Byakuya had to have been trained to be as he was since birth. Not someone to be liked, as he might have wanted, but someone strong.

Byakuya was strong. And Renji respected him for it.

But, as Abarai found with time, there were also other things about his captain that he would become familiar with, things beyond that initial impression of strength that would garner a deeper, sturdier admiration towards the other man from the vice-captain.

In addition to that cold strength, there was an immobile sense of justice in Byakuya as well, one that as second in command, Renji was perhaps more intimate with than other members of the team.

As a novice, it was from Byakuya that Renji learned to follow his own justice. In the face of everything, Kuchiki Byakuya believed in his own justice above all else, in the rules and regulations that he held himself to at all costs.

That was the only reason why, after all that had happened, Renji could find it in him to forgive Byakuya. To even understand him a little bit more than he had before.

From the countless years spent at his side, Renji knew his captain's sense of honor backwards and forwards. It was built on the foundations of an unshakeable belief in the sense of justice Byakuya had conceived for himself as the truest, the most noble and honest.

Even if it were his own sister that defied that justice, he would stand up for it.

That was the only reason why, looking back now, Renji could forgive his captain. Could understand why he had acted as he had.

It was not from either malice or that impression of coldness he gave that he allowed her to be bound and taken to the execution platform on that day. It was not because of any hatred towards her, or any indifference to her pain and that of his family that he had fought against her would-be rescuers.

He loved his sister very much.

But he believed so much in the sense of justice he had created for himself based on the ideals of Soul Society that even if she of all people, were to step outside of them, Byakuya would not save her.

Even for her, he would not forsake his ideals. They had withstood all forms of onslaught in the past, and to suddenly abandon them in the face of a personal hardship was not something Kuchiki Byakuya could allow himself to live with.

Renji had respected Byakuya's steadfastness in the past, and in that respect for his captain, knew that holding the very steadfastness he had respected against the other man because of any special circumstances would be the most ignoble thing he could do to his captain.

Which was why Renji could forgive his superior so easily, even when the memory of the wounds he'd ravaged upon his subordinate's flesh were still fresh in the younger man's mind. Even when he remembered Rukia's face when Byakuya had stood silently by as his only little sister was being prepared for execution.

He could forgive Byakuya. And when he thought about it long and hard, he could even begin to understand a little.

As for his own actions, Renji knew that Byakuya had already forgiven him as well.

After so much time spent at his captain's side, Renji was also familiar with the other man's keen sense of fairness.

If he was allowed to follow his own sense of justice, so were those around him. If they clashed, so be it. But the captain of the 6th division never begrudged his subordinates their own free will, their own definition of honor. They would be subject to all the rules and regulations of Soul Society and what their actions would result in within those parameters, but to Kuchiki Byakuya, that was simply the price of one's beliefs if one so chose to structure them in such a manner.

These days after those events, Renji was beginning to suspect that his captain was treating him the same as always in order to avoid the penalties of those actions, acting as if their battle of conflicting beliefs had never occurred.

As if Renji had never drawn his weapon upon his own teammate.

And that was when Abarai Renji began to learn of Kuchiki Byakuya's silent kindness.

The consequences of betrayal in Soul Society were dire. To strike out against a teammate and superior was most often followed by lengthy hearings, judicial procession, and more often than not, execution of the guilty parties.

Under the circumstances of their fight however, Renji knew he would have been acquitted. But more than the legal proceedings, there was an issue of trust between teammates that should have been shattered. Byakuya was well within his rights to demote Renji, to request the vice-captain's transfer, or to trade him to another team willing to accept him.

Even under the circumstances of their fight, it was understandable to all of the Gotei-13 that something within the 6th squad had been damaged as an outcome of Aizen's treachery.

By all logic, Renji was certain that Byakuya's strict sense of procedure would have landed him with the obligatory trials and eventually, into the 11th or 13th squad. There was something sacred to the captain of the 6th division when it came to the regulations of Soul Society which he believed so wholeheartedly in, as well as a holy trust in the relationships between superiors and subordinates.

He had thought that to Byakuya, betrayal was the one unpardonable sin.

But here Abarai remained, his seat uncontested, his relationship with his team no different than it had been before.

Renji was grateful for Byakuya's kindness, but perplexed by it as well.

It seemed as if the unmovable heir of the Kuchiki name had been moved by something.

Renji hoped to all gods that would listen that Byakuya's ideals had not been destroyed by the deception of a select few. He did not want to see such a strong man lose what were, in the end, noble beliefs because the system by which they were administered had been overridden by the sick-disease that was the power hungry.

Abarai respected Byakuya far too much to let something like that stand.

Over the next few days, Renji was even more attentive than usual to his duties as second-in-command, eyes and ears sharply aware of his captain's every word and action. It was hard to tell, but as someone who had worked beside the man for such a long time, the red-haired vice-captain, after much careful scrutiny, did indeed detect something amiss in his leader's aura.

It was hardly noticeable, really. A miniscule off-balance in the Kuchiki heir's usual flawless grace.

He seemed…troubled.

It wasn't readily apparent, but when he looked closely, the vice-captain could very clearly see that slight furrow in his captain's brow when left to himself, or his absent gazes out of his office window when one of the men walked in; Renji could even detect the momentary, split-second hesitation whenever he looked to Byakuya for orders.

That disturbed Renji more than anything else could have. That hesitation was so unlike the Kuchiki Byakuya he had known for so long, the confident leader and silently beautiful killer.

Too concerned to wait anymore, and never one with any patience anyway, Renji found himself rapping gently on the door to his captain's office a few days later.

"Come in."

The vice-captain took a deep breath and slid the door open, peaking into the immaculately kept study, eyes lowered to the ground. "It's me, Kuchiki-taichou."

When Renji looked up, a look that told him his visit had taken Byakuya by surprise flashed briefly across the captain's face before it was schooled back to its expressionless default. "Did you want something, Abarai-kun?" he asked evenly as he blew on the ink of whatever paperwork it was he was doing to help it dry.

"Ah…yessir. Are you uh, busy?"

"No, I've just finished. Come in."

"Ah, thank you sir." Renji slid the door shut behind him.

"Have a seat."

"Yes sir." He lowered himself to the floor and folded his legs under him, resting Zabimaru beside him.

Byakuya looked at Renji expectantly from his spot on the floor behind his small writing table.

Renji stared back for a moment before he realized the captain was waiting for him to begin. "Oh…ah…well, I was um…just…" he frowned and searched for the right words. "…is everything okay, Kuchiki-taichou?"

Byakuya blinked.

Obviously, that had been the last thing he'd been expecting from his subordinate. Frowning, the captain let his hands fall into his lap. "What do you mean?"

Renji looked away, uncomfortable. "Uh, well…it may just be me… but lately, you've seemed…kind of…I don't know, off?" Realizing what he'd said, the red-headed vice-captain backtracked quickly. "I mean, not that you haven't been doin' your job or anything, it's just I dunno, you seem…kind of different lately. And I was just worried, or er, concerned, and wanted to ask you if everything was all right. I mean, I uh, know that a lot of stuff's happened pretty recently so I understand but um…"

"I see. Hold on for a moment please, Abarai-kun."

Renji paused mid-sentence. "Ah…sure. Sorry."

It was here in the private of Byakuya's quarters that Renji noticed the thoughtful expression on his captain's face as he picked up his now-dry letter and folded it with a smooth precision, sliding it into an envelope. Renji waited respectfully for the other shinigami to finish, a small feeling of dread beginning to gather in the pit of his stomach as the silence lingered. Something was very strange here…

When he couldn't take the quiet anymore, "Kuchiki-taichou? Is something uh…"

Imagine his surprise when Byakuya joined him on the floor, resting on his knees as he bowed low enough for the tip of his nose to touch the tatami under them. The letter was held out towards the vice-captain, perched delicately on the palms of both hands.

Startled enough to grab his zanpakutou and scramble backwards slightly, the younger man was forced to stop when his shoulders hit the screen door. Finding his voice after a moment of tongue-tied gaping he managed to stammer, "K-kuchiki-taichou?"

"I was just about to drop this off at your quarters," Byakuya started, sounding strangely awkward as he began to explain himself. "It's a small token, not worthy of note, really. But I felt I should…thank you…for protecting my sister, when I was too blind to do so myself. This is a formal apology for failing to see the truth. As a captain I should have…"

Hand relaxing on his sword, Renji blinked as the whole absurd situation began to sink in.

"…been able to detect Aizen's deceptions and deal with them accordingly rather than blindly following the…"

Renji burst out laughing before the other shinigami could finish, infinitely relieved as it all finally came together in his head, that his fears regarding Byakuya's ideals were apparently unfounded. It seemed that his captain was simply more sensitive than Renji would have imagined. This awkward, somehow endearing, show of gratitude towards him and his part in saving Rukia made Renji's heart feel lighter, made him just laugh aloud at all the pointless worry and confusion of the past few weeks.

Byakuya sat up at the interruption, eyes widening marginally. Obvious confusion towards the other man's surprisingly jovial reaction to his lengthy apology written all over his features. He looked, strangely self-conscious. "Abarai-kun? Is something wrong?"

"Aheheheh…sorry, sorry…I'm just… I mean…uh… well…permission to uh, speak freely, sir?"

Still bewildered, the son of Soul Society's noblest family could only blink and nod.

Before he knew what he was doing, Renji reached out to rest his hand on Byakuya's shoulder, squeezing gently, bunching the cloth of that immaculate uniform like it didn't matter. "Taichou," he chuckled without thinking, "forget it, will ya? There's nothing left to forgive." He pushed the letter back towards the other shinigami. "No apologies."

The look of complete confusion on Byakuya's face was enough to send Renji into fresh peels of laughter, a strange sense of ironic joy welling in his heart as he realized that today was another one of those days where he could say he'd learned something new about Kuchiki-taichou.

Byakuya was even more socially retarded than he was.

And that, more than anything else he had learned about his captain in their long time together, made him happy. It was true that before, they'd never really been friends, not like some of the other captains and vice-captains were, but knowing what he did now, Renji was beginning to think that maybe the day when they could be wasn't as far away as he'd first thought.

He would always respect Byakuya, always acknowledge the other man's strength, his steadfastness, his reliability. That would never change, regardless of the circumstances.

But now, he'd discovered a hidden sensitivity, an awkward kindness that made for the beginnings of a stronger connection between the two of them than any mutual respect ever could.

It gave him so much to look forward to.

Still grinning, Abarai stood and wordlessly gestured for Byakuya to join him. Once standing, he slung an arm around his captain's shoulders with a sense of friendly confidence he'd never felt before, sliding open the door and tugging the other man towards the commissary. On Byakuya's puzzlement "We're eatin' lunch," he explained.

"…I see."

"Your treat, taichou."

"…"

"Okay, okay, we'll split, sheesh."

"…"

"What? Okay, okay, fine… my treat, how's about that?"

"…"

"C'mon, throw me a bone here, Kuchiki-sama…"

"…I… like tempura, Abarai-kun."

On Renji's surprised expression, Byakuya, feeling slightly vindicated for all of his prior confusion in the face of the younger man, smiled, sphinx-like, and slid out from under his arm, preceding his subordinate to the commissary.

Watching with a sort of awed disbelief as his captain's back disappeared through the doorway, Renji couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Well…I'll be damned." He jogged to catch up.

That day, Abarai Renji also learned that Kuchiki Byakuya had a sense of humor.

It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

**END**


End file.
